Most of you who know me, know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a hard time hiding any of my emotions. I hate that feature about myself. Sometimes I wish I could bottle it all up and smile through it. I can't, if i'm having a bad day, people know it. Life is hard and bad days come and go, but I wish I didn't have to talk about it. Because everyone can see how i'm feeling I feel the need to have to explain it, and I don't always know why I am feeling the way I do. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep well, or I got cut off on the way to take the kids to school, maybe some one didn't say hello back when I said hello to them, maybe the kids were hard or maybe i'm just in a mood. Those are all simple explanations and shouldn't be cause for a ruined day, but i'm not perfect.
I am an honest person and always say what I think. But there are the instances where 'if you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all.' Sometimes someone will say something that upsets me and I try to act like it doesn't bother me, to avoid conflict. It drives me crazy that they can always tell when something bothers me! Even if it is a phone conversation, they can hear every bit of anguish in my voice.... I don't want to be transparent. If I feel the need to shake something off, let me. There are some instances where I don't want to share my opinion, but there it is right on my face, or in my voice or possibly both. I can't control my reaction I've probably lost friends over it and didn't even know it. I don't know how to change this about myself and I don't think I can. But the up side is that it keeps me honest. And honesty is always the best policy.
Writing this blog was a kind of release today. I don't expect that many people will take the time to read it. I am sad to know that one person, in particular, who has been subscribed to my blog since the beginning will not read this :( Rest in peace Sarah <3<3
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