one of those days (venting)

So I woke up this morning with positive thoughts and a little bit of pep in my step, despite the fact that Zeke woke me up at 3:30, 4:30, 5:00 and 5:30 when I finally got up. I fed the kids breakfast, got them ready for school and we were out the door without me having to yell a single time. (That is a rarity) I dropped Violet off at school, spoke to a woman about a speech evaluation for Zeke and then hit up the YMCA to pick up a scholarship form. Since we are spending so much energy getting healthy I wouldn't mind spending some extra money for some extra resources. I decided after wards to go walking at the mall, since it is dreary here today and ended up letting him get some exercise as well instead of using the stroller. So far, not such a bad day.... When heading to the mall my car kept dinging telling me that a door was ajar. I got to the mall, opened and closed all of the doors and as we walked away my alarm started going off. WTH?? I walked back to the car and double checked the doors again and locked it without incident. Zeke and I had a nice stroll, bought 2 sweaters at K-Mart and Zeke got to ride on the rocket ship. 

Then we rode to the library, with the door ajar light dinging away the whole time... I should have known better, but I locked it and the stupid alarm went off again. At this point the pep in my step that I had awoken with was completely depleted and I should have got back into the dinging car and drove home for a nap. Instead I took Zeke to story time. I have friends that go who's kids are friends with Zeke. Sometimes he will sit and listen other times he won't and usually I am fine with that. Today, for some reason, I was insistent that he (a busy two year old) sit and listen or we would leave.. I was uncomfortable! I felt like people were looking at us and judging me. And I was frustrated because I wanted him to listen to me for once. I realize now that I am guilty of caring what other people think more than I have ever thought I did or was willing to admit. I left the library, almost in tears and I am sad that I missed time with my friends all because I am so self conscious. I am on my way to a healthier me physically, but I have a long way to go socially.