one of those days (venting)

So I woke up this morning with positive thoughts and a little bit of pep in my step, despite the fact that Zeke woke me up at 3:30, 4:30, 5:00 and 5:30 when I finally got up. I fed the kids breakfast, got them ready for school and we were out the door without me having to yell a single time. (That is a rarity) I dropped Violet off at school, spoke to a woman about a speech evaluation for Zeke and then hit up the YMCA to pick up a scholarship form. Since we are spending so much energy getting healthy I wouldn't mind spending some extra money for some extra resources. I decided after wards to go walking at the mall, since it is dreary here today and ended up letting him get some exercise as well instead of using the stroller. So far, not such a bad day.... When heading to the mall my car kept dinging telling me that a door was ajar. I got to the mall, opened and closed all of the doors and as we walked away my alarm started going off. WTH?? I walked back to the car and double checked the doors again and locked it without incident. Zeke and I had a nice stroll, bought 2 sweaters at K-Mart and Zeke got to ride on the rocket ship. 

Then we rode to the library, with the door ajar light dinging away the whole time... I should have known better, but I locked it and the stupid alarm went off again. At this point the pep in my step that I had awoken with was completely depleted and I should have got back into the dinging car and drove home for a nap. Instead I took Zeke to story time. I have friends that go who's kids are friends with Zeke. Sometimes he will sit and listen other times he won't and usually I am fine with that. Today, for some reason, I was insistent that he (a busy two year old) sit and listen or we would leave.. I was uncomfortable! I felt like people were looking at us and judging me. And I was frustrated because I wanted him to listen to me for once. I realize now that I am guilty of caring what other people think more than I have ever thought I did or was willing to admit. I left the library, almost in tears and I am sad that I missed time with my friends all because I am so self conscious. I am on my way to a healthier me physically, but I have a long way to go socially.

Spring has sprung, and so have I!!

So it has been a month since I posted last. I kept up with the blog for a few weeks and that's about average for my attention span with things. My interest peaked elsewhere and I forgot all about this blog. I didn't blog about my new interest up until this point because I know how I am with things. I didn't want to get all worked up about something and then flake out, like I often do. So It has been over 5 weeks and I'm ready to share...
     About the time that my husband put a new dresser in our bedroom and I saw myself in a large mirror, I realized that my weight was getting out of control. Violet was born almost 4 years ago, Zeke over 2 and I quit smoking almost a year ago. I have been struggling with it in my mind for a long time, especially when I saw pictures of myself. I lost all self confidence, not that I had much to begin with.
    I have decided to make a drastic change in my life. I want to live a long time, I want to run and play with my grandchildren some day. I have won the battle with cigarettes and the logical next step is to win my lifelong battle with food.
    I have never really been comfortable in my own skin. My mother, brother and sister are "abnormally" skinny (sorry guys, it's true.) I definitely have learned to be okay with that. I don't want to be itty bitty, and I don't want to be anyone else. I just want to be a better me. So I have been walking everyday and eating healthily. No fad diets or lose it quick schemes. Just good ole fashioned calorie counting and exercise.
     I feel better than I have in my whole life!! I smoked from age 13-26. After a year I can finally breathe again. I wish that someone would have told me, as a teenager, (they probably did and i didn't listen) how much better I would feel about myself if I would eat right and exercise. Now I have learned it on my own and I couldn't be happier ;)